


Nothing like the books

by Anonymous



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, First Time, Friends With Benefits, I have no excuses I just thought this would be fun, Knotting, Not Shippy, Oral Sex, Pansexual Caduceus, Platonic Sex, Talking During Sex, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:36:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23590945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Jester is bored and curious.Caduceus is eager to learn.And friends are always willing to help each other out.
Comments: 10
Kudos: 159
Collections: Anonymous





	Nothing like the books

**Author's Note:**

> ((Yeah I got no other reason for this other than I'm tired and the idea got stuck in my head. I feel like I kinda gave up on this a little but in my defense I've been working long hours. Not everyone is in quarantine. Some of us are essential.
> 
> Anyway this is not shippy or anything this is just something I can easily see these two doing. Jester is %100 the type do try it and if Caduceus was any more chill he'd be dead.)

Bored. 

Bored bored bored.

Booored.

Jester sighed, slumped over the couch, and let her copy of tusk love drop onto her face with a groan.

“Uuuuuugh...”

It was so. Boring. Today.

Most of the others were out on errands. There wasn't anything to do. No one to talk to or mess with...

“Jester.”

“Oh! Caduceus! How are you?”

She lifted the book off her face and grinned at the Firbolg wandering into the living room. He smiled at her, then looked around with a slightly confused air.

“I came in here to do something. Then I forgot. I'm sure it isn't important. If it is, I'll find out about it later.”

“Want to sit with me? Everyones gone out and I'm booored!”

He sat down, still with that same faint smile. Jester liked Caduceus. He always seemed so calm and serene, the sort of person it was easy to talk to.

“Is your book not interesting?”

“Oh it is! Tusk love is my favorite book ever! But I've read it so many times now...”

He cocked his head, long ears tilting.

“Tusk love...that's that romance novel, isn't it? Is it good?”

“Oh it's so good! It's the best ever! It's got romance and kissing and sexy bits and people standing around in the rain looking sad-!”

She rambled on as Caduceus smiled benignly at her, looking slightly lost but happy at her enjoyment.

“-And arguments but it's ok because it all works out and-Oh! Would you like to read it?” She held the book out.

“I'm not much of a reader. Not much practice at the Grove.” He took the offered book and squinted at the cover. A barely dressed pair were pressed up against each other, the human woman looking longingly at the half-orc man. “You enjoy romance novels?”

“Oh yes! Especially the smutty bits. I bet it must feel so nice to do it in person.”

“You haven't?”

She shook her head. 

“No. My mom was very protective. I've only ever read it in books. Have you ever had sex before?”

Caduceus shook his head. 

“I had very little contact with the world outside my family. And the only others I did see were grieving. They had other things on their mind. So sex hasn't been a part of my life.”

“Are you one of those people who just doesn't like it? Because it's OK if you are, there's lots of people happy without it.”

He sat back and thought deeply.

“Hmm...no, I think I would. I do like the idea of being with someone. I'm just...letting it happen. The Wildmother guides all things.”

“Even sex?!”

He chuckled warmly.

“ _Especially_ sex. She's a nature goddess, after all.”

Jester thought for a while, tail lashing. Then in true Jester fashion blurted out-

“Would you have sex with me?”

He looked up, pink eyes wide, and she immediately started to backpedal.

“OhmygodlikeitsOKifyoudon'twanttoIjustmeantlikehypothetically-!” 

Caduceus shifted in his chair as she rambled, a flush under his cheeks.

“I mean...if you would be comfortable, I would be...amenable.”

She stopped in her tracks.

“Really? Like...for real?”

“We're friends aren't we? And I trust you. Sex should be with someone you trust.”

Her brow wrinkled.

“Even if we aren't like...boyfriend or girlfriend?”

“We don't need to be. I don't see why two friends can't have some time together. And at least we'd be having our first time with someone we know.”

Jester bounced to her feet, feeling giddy and excited.

“OK! Let's go up to my room then!”

“Lead the way.”

She practically _skipped_ up the Xhorhaus stairs, hearing Caduceus's measured tread behind her. She was going to do it, shewasgoingtofinallydoit-!

The room she shared with Beau was large, neatly separated down the middle. Beau's side was its usual state, an utter tip. Bandages and clothes were scattered everywhere. Jesters was largely pink with a lot of frills. Caduceus smiled when he saw it..

“Very cozy.”

“Beau's going to be out all day. So we have lots of time!”

She sat down on her bed and beckoned Caduceus over, giggling as it shifted under his weight.

“So...um...what happens now? Do we like...kiss and stuff? That's what happens in our books.”

“Would you like to kiss?”

She shifted as she thought to herself. Kissing was for people who loved each other, wasn't it? And she liked Caduceus, but this was just a...friendly thing. But what if Caduceus wanted to-?

Sleepy pink eyes read her like a book.

“If it's too intimate, we don't have to kiss.”

She breathed out. 

“Maybe...we could get naked?”

He nodded and stood up briefly, slipping out of his robes and underthings with ease and grace, settling down next to her with the air of someone utterly comfortable with his body. Flushing, Jester fumbled for her clothes, yanking at the ties on her dress. Her tits came free as she pulled on her bodice and she couldn't help but notice the way his eyes focused on them, the sleepy look in his eyes becoming more intense.

“OK. I'm naked.”

A grey hand rested gently on her knee. 

“Relax. This is just for fun. No-one is grading us.”

Jester promptly got a fit of the giggles at the thought of grading sex.

“”Oh dear. Bad dismount, you only get a B+”” she mimicked a stuffy professor. Caduceus threw his head back and laughed, loud and deep and genuine.

“Oh please, sir! Can't I resit the test?” he quipped back, and the two fell across the bed laughing. She felt the churning in her gut settle. Feeling calmer, she took a proper look at Caduceus, still chuckling to himself. He was tall and gangly, a tangle of long, long limbs and hair. Still skinny and lean even after his time with the Nein. Her eyes drifted down further.

“Um...Caduceus...you don't...um...I can't see...”

He followed her gaze, down to his grey, tightly furred sheath. 

“Ah. That's just how Firbolgs are, Jester. I assure you, he'll come out to join us once we get started."

“Oh! OK. So, Uh...maybe you could...touch me?”

“Alright. Lie back.”

She lay back on the pillows, feeling her heart pick up the pace again as Caduceus knelt between her legs, resting his hands gently on her hips. Slowly, carefully, he let them glide across her body, along her stomach, cupping her breasts gently, brushing along her arms. Warmth followed them.

“Your hands are very big and warm, Caduceus. It's nice.”

“Excellent. I'm glad this is good so far. I'm as new to this as you are. I'm...unsure of what feels good.”

He placed his hands on her knees and gently parted them.

“Oh. Oh wow. That...you look very lovely, Jester. That's very nice. Like a little blue flower.”

She giggled. This seemed to be going well. Though there was more talking then she expected. In her books they would fall into the bed with a sigh, maybe with lots of dirty talk. This was...different.

“Um. Caduceus?”

He glanced up.

“Yes?”

“Could you-um...eat me out? It's supposed to feel really nice according to all the books.”

He smiled, rubbing a calloused thumb over her knee to soothe her. 

“Alright. One moment.”

He sat back and clasped his hands together.

“I give my thanks to Mother Melora for this meal I shall now enjoy.”

Jester let out a shriek of laughter and snatched up a pillow, bopping him over his head as he howled with mirth. 

“Caduceus! Take this seriously!”

He wiped tears of laughter from his eyes, shoulders shaking.

“Why? We're supposed to be having fun, aren't we?”

“True...OK. Start over.”

It took a few starts as fits of the giggles kept overtaking them. Finally, he settled between her legs, large hands stroking along her thighs. They were big and warm and very soothing. 

“OK...OK you can go.”

He bent down and very gently ran a tongue between her folds. She took a sharp inhale. It felt...odd. Slippery and wet, but not unpleasant. Slowly, gently, his tongue explored her and she cautiously rested her hands on his shoulders. This was good. This was OK. A thrill shot through her. She was actually being eaten out by an actual man on her actual bed! And it...wasn't what she expected. It was nice. But it wasn't like the toe curling pleasure they wrote about in books. Maybe if she-

“Caduceus, try there.” She pointed towards her clit. She was no stranger to self pleasure, and she at least knew that felt good.

“Oh, this little bud? I see it. Thanks.”

He leaned back in, and _Oh there it was._ Her breath hitched as she felt crackles of pleasure shock through her thighs. 

“Oh, Caduceus that feels really nice...”

He wrapped his lips carefully around her clit in response and flicked his tongue curiously. Jester couldn't hold back the sharp cry. It felt just like when she touched herself but _more_. It was someone else now, impossible to predict. He was suckling gently now, making deep, happy noises as he pleasured her. All she could feel were lips and tongue and wet, warm heat. The feelings built in intensity, hot and wet and maddening and _too much too much too much!_

She squirmed away from him desperately and he pulled back, concern on his face. His mouth was wet with her. 

“Are you alright?”

“I'm OK. It was just a lot.” She took a few steadying breaths and looked over at Caduceus, eyes widening.

“Oh Cad-u-ceus! Your dick is so pretty!”

His cock had pushed free of its sheathe, long, tapered and best of all...

“It's so pink and shiny!”

The Firbolg grinned, looking a little breathless. 

“Well thank you, Jester. Your passionate parts are quite lovely too.”

“Can I touch it?”

“Be my guest.”

She reached out and took him in hand, and Caduceus groaned softly, ears drooping. He was hot and slightly slick, slim near the top and gradually widening towards the base. Taking all of him might be a challenge. She let her hands explore softly, cupping his furry sack as gentle fingertips traced patterns over his shaft. Jester gripped the hefty base carefully and paused.

“Hey 'Deuces. What's this kinda bump here?”

“O-oh...” His voice was rather shaky. “That's, um...my knot. When I-I come it'll grow. It's s-supposed to lock us together. For, uh...breeding. You don't have to take it. It's pretty big.”

“Well, I know some spells so there's not gonna be any breeding...but you are very large...hmm...we'll see how we go, I guess. Oh, oh! Can I go down on you? I've always wanted to try that!”

“That sounds lovely.” He almost purred his reply, eyes very dark. 

She took a deep breath and dropped down without preamble, letting him slide between her lips. Above her, he cried out shamelessly. Jester closed her eyes and let her fingers drift between her legs. Caduceus felt heavy and hot on her tongue, slick and smooth and just lovely. Everything felt warm and soft and nice in her head, her earlier worries now gone. This was fine. This was fun. This was just like in her books...

She sucked him harder and he whimpered, cock twitching in her mouth as pre began to leak from the tip-

“YUCK!”

She pulled off him like she'd been stung. It tasted so _gross!_ Salty and bitter and clinging to her tongue, leaving her scrabbling for the pitcher of water by her bed.

“Oh that's so gross and nasty Caduceus I'm so so sorry you were enjoying that and I ruined it I'm really really sorry-!”

He held up a hand, panting softly. 

“It's fine, Jester. You don't have to do anything you don't like.”

“But you went down on me, it's not fair to you!”

He shook his head, smiling at her like she'd pulled off a neat trick.

“You gave it a try, that's what matters to me. And you learned you didn't like it. Isn't that why we're doing this? To learn? Life is all about learning. I'm sure there's things I don't like during sex. ”

“I still feel very bad though.”

“I don't. I'd feel bad if you made yourself uncomfortable trying to please me.”

She settled back and breathed deep. This was going OK so far. She was learning. This was fine.

“What would _you_ like to do, Caduceus?”

His eyes roved over her body, slow and pondering.

“May I-?”

“Of course!”

He reached out and cupped her generous tits, sighing happily. 

“Now these are just lovely. Very nice and soft.” Jester giggled, cut off with a soft gasp as he gently rolled her nipples between finger and thumb. It felt so lovely, especially when he leaned forward and gently licked one, heat flaring through her chest and stomach.

“That feels so nice, Caduceus, please keep doing it!”

Gently, he pressed her down to the bed, mouth and hands never leaving her chest as he settled over her, surprisingly heavy despite his scrawny frame. The pressure was soothing though, comforting and soft. His fur was like velvet, all kinds of wonderful against her skin, and she wriggled under him in delight. His mouth was persistant, moving from one breast to the other until her nipples stiffened. She couldn't stop giggling. It tickled in the best way!

“I like this, Caduceus! It's not like my books at all but it's fun!

Jester felt him smile against her.

“I'm glad.” He shivered above her. “Ah...Jester, I...can I enter you? I'm feeling rather...hot and bothered.”

“Of course!” She parted her legs eagerly. She felt pretty wet down there, so this shouldn't hurt too much...

Reaching down, Caduceus shuddered as he took himself in hand, lining himself up with her entrance. Her heart hammered in her chest as she realized she was finally about to lose her virginity, at long last-

He groaned deep and loud as he pushed in a few inches, and Jesters head was full of thoughts. Among the clamour of thoughts like _big_ and _wet_ and _wonderful_ was-

“It...it doesn't hurt?”

He paused, panting and sweating.

“Ah...should it?”

“In my books it does. Losing your maidenhood always hurts, but it...doesn't.”

He rocked his hips slightly and she squeaked.

“You're... _very_ wet. I guess that helps?”

“M-maybe-Ah!”

Carefully, Caduceus started to thrust into her, only giving her the first few inches as her body adjusted. The slide of him was hot and slick and _lovely_. 

“D-deeper, please? I'll let you know if it's too much.”

He nodded and slowly pressed forward, little panting yelps escaping her as his length got thicker and thicker until-

“That...that's all of me. Well done, Jester. How does it feel?”

“I. Love. It!” Jester melted back into the pillow, feeling stuffed full and _amazing_. Slowly, carefully, Caduceus began to roll his hips against hers, pleasure sparkling up her spine.

“You're very soft, Jester. Like silk inside...ah...this is wonderful. I'm glad you offered me this chance, Jester. It's nice to have a friend here to help figure this out.”

He buried his face into her tits and sighed happily.

“Oh yeah! There's like, no pressure! Because we're friends!”

“Mmm...” He bit his lip and closed his eyes, face alight with bliss. She could feel his speed starting to increase, the slick, easy drag inside her intensifying. It was all so wonderful.

“Wow, there's a lot of you, Caduceus. Like, a-Ah! A lot of you...”

“It's not too much, is it?”

“No, I like it!” She stroked her hands down his back, feeling the fine fur under her palms. “Honestly, I always thought Fjord would be my first time.”

Caduceus nodded vaguely.

“He's a handsome man.”

“Fjord is _very_ handsome.” Jester agreed, before smirking. “Do you _like_ him?” 

“I'll...” He shivered. “I'll confess to admiring him. Hard not to.” 

“What about Caleb?” She gasped as a particularly nice thrust made her quiver. It felt...weird, to chat like this during sex. A nice weird, though. It felt more...real. She considered dirty talk, before deciding against it. Now she was starting to learn what proper sex felt like, the dialogue in those books felt stilted and unreal.

Fake.

Caduceus nodded.

“He has a lovely face. And very nice hair.”

“What about the others?”

Caduceus paused to consider, furrowing his brows earnestly. 

“Not Beau. Not that she isn't striking, but I feel she wouldn't appreciate it. Yasha? She's nice. Strong. But I feel she'd be gentle.” He picked up the pace again, the wet sounds of skin against skin now audible.

Jester giggled.

“What about Nott?”

“I feel the...the size difference would be...unwieldy.”

“Oh that's true, your dick is _very_ big and it might hurt her.” She cried out as the sensations built up. 

“Is this OK?”

“You can go faster. Please. I...I want it.”

Caduceus reached down and took her hands, pressing them above her head and entwining their fingers together.

“Very well.”

His first proper thrust knocked the breath out of her, forcing a soft gasp out of her lungs. Then he was pounding into her eagerly and oh...

_Oh..._

“Ca-Caduceus! This is-this is so-! Ah! Do that thing with your hips again!”

“T-this thing?”

“No, the thing before...”

“This?”

_“...!”_

“Ah. That thing.”

Jester was in sheer heaven, whole body jolting with the force of the firbolgs thrusts. Her tail lashed wildly, before coiling around his thigh as a grounding point. Everything was slick and nice and awesome and she was almost there...

Blindly, she brought his hand down, nudging it towards her clit.

“There! There! Please, Caduceus, I'm real close!”

“Oh! Of course.”

His fingers pressed softly on the cluster of nerves and Jester _keened_ , thighs tensing and trembling as she whimpered in bliss. It felt as good as when she pleasured herself except there was no cramping, no pauses to flex her fingers and shake out the stiffness. It just kept going, lifting her higher and higher without pause.

“There! Ah! That feels-Ah! Ah! Ah! _Ahh!”_

Her body went bowstring tight under him, the familiar warmth of orgasm filling her up like sunshine and bubbles. It went on and on as Caduceus didn't so much as slow down, dragging it out until she was panting and squealing.

“Jester... _oh_...may I?”

“H-huh?”

“I'm close, may I knot you?”

She barely paused to consider it, feeling loose and open and fucked out.

_“Yes...”_

He didn't roar or howl like the men in her smut books, just buried his head in her shoulder as shivers wracked his body. But that thought was soon driven from her head as the pressure of him inside her began to build as his knot swelled. It was a lot. A lot. But it was good, a tight hot pressure that filled her right to her core. She could feel wet heat deep inside her, and swiftly flicked her fingers in the motion of the cantrip her mother had carefully taught her when she was fifteen.

Finally, Caduceus slumped, whole body going loose on top of her as he let out a shuddering sigh.

“Did you like it, Caduceus?”

“It was...it was wonderful...”

“You were very good at it for a first time! I feel all good and shivery! I guess a lot of those books were just made up 'cause that felt real different and nice.”

“Perhaps...perhaps based on more wishful thinking than actual experience...”

“Maybe.” She shifted to move away, feeling slightly oversensitive, before yelping in surprise as his cock didn't budge. “O-oh...right. The knot thingy...uh. How long does it-?”

“Twenty minutes or so...” He sounded very sleepy, words soft and slurred.

“Are you OK?”

“I feel...remarkably tired.”

“Well...if we're stuck together for a bit...and you're real sleepy...we can snuggle if you like!”

He smiled, shifting very carefully until the two were on their sides, still buried deep within her.

“That sounds nice.”

She shifted closer, seeking his warmth.

“Did. Um. Did that, like...mean anything? Like I know sex is supposed to mean something but we aren't like dating or anything.”

Caduceus seemed fast on his way to sleep.

“It meant something to me, Jester. I trusted you with something very intimate. That was a big thing, to task a friend with. I'm glad it was you.”

“Me too. This won't make it, like...weird or anything, will it?”

“No...I don't...” He yawned hugely, tongue curling like a large sleepy cat, and she giggled. “I don't think it will. I think we'll stay good friends...”

His eyes drifted shut, and he was snoring within moments. 

Moving carefully, wincing at the tug of the knot inside her, she reached over to her bedside cabinet and took out her sketchbook to make a drawing to the Traveler, carefully sketching Caduceus's serene sleeping face.

She certainly wasn't bored anymore.


End file.
